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Engy Abdelkader: A Few Good Muslim Men — Honoring Those Who Honor Women

29 December 2011 Huffington Post 19 Comments Email This Post Email This Post

A Few Good Muslim Men — Honoring Those Who Honor Women

If the stereotypical Muslim woman is an oppressed one, then the archetypal Muslim male is responsible for her condition. In news stories, popular entertainment media and even video games, the image of the violent, misogynistic or abusive Muslim man is present time and again.

To be sure, bad apples exist in every religious, ethnic and racial group. But there is a dearth of positive Muslim portrayals to counteract such negative images on TV or the big screen. As a result, your everyday regular Omars and Mohammeds are sometimes viewed with suspicion and fear.

As 2011 draws to a close, we take a moment to recognize the following Muslim men — fathers, brothers, husbands, academics, advocates and religious leaders — selected by others for their individual contributions to the lives of women and, thus, humanity at large:

Asim Rehman (36, New York): Asim is in-house counsel who volunteers his time representing domestic violence victims. Asim’s wife describes him as a “fabulous” partner who encourages her intellectual pursuits. Asim has turned down professional opportunities requiring relocation so that his wife can remain in her NYC post, which she loves. The couple is expecting their first child and Asim “cooks, cleans and grocery shops without complaining.” His wife says she “can’t imagine a better partner than Asim.”

Shyam K. Sriram (32, Georgia): A college professor, Shyam is known for his stance against violence against women and girls. In less than one year, he helped a fledgling initiative — Muslim Men Against Domestic Violence — become a viable one. Muslim Men Against Domestic Violence trains Muslim men how to teach others that violence against women and girls is Islamically impermissible.

Abed Awad (42, New Jersey): Abed was recognized by his colleagues for the work he has done on behalf of Muslim women both as a past Board Member of KARAMAH: Muslim Women Lawyers for Human Rights, and on the legal front. An accomplished attorney with his own practice, he has earned a reputation for defending women’s rights in religious divorces and other family law disputes.

Davi Barker (30, California): An artist and writer, Davi’s wife — an activist, attorney and community leader — described him in this way: “He is exactly what I dreamed of when I thought I wanted to marry a man who lived his life and marriage through his faith. Religion, and more specifically ‘love and mercy’ dictate everything he does in our relationship. His support is what makes my work as [head of a civil rights organization] possible. From being understanding when I have a difficult case or am coming home late regularly to helping with the graphic design for [my organization] and carrying more than a fair share of chores around the house … I couldn’t do this without him.”

Imam Mohamed Magid (40ish, Virginia): Imam Magid is the Imam of the All Dulles Area Muslim Society (ADAMS Center) located in Sterling, Va. He is also President of the Islamic Society of North America (ISNA). Imam Magid was referenced by a congregant who characterized him as, “One of the biggest advocates out there for women’s rights.” He conducts domestic violence prevention training seminars for other Imams around the country and serves on the Board of Directors of Peaceful Families, a national not-for-profit organization dedicated to ending domestic violence in Muslim families.

Omar Sharif (29, California): Omar was a U.S. Peace Corps volunteer in Uganda who spearheaded numerous small business projects which placed women at the forefront.

Mohamed Tantawi (38, New Jersey): Mohamed’s wife says of him: “He’s a great pediatrician, he does most of the cooking (and well too), he sings at Carnegie Hall. Most importantly, he does all that is in his power to preserve our family dynamic, one in which he is an active partner.”

Ahmad Hussain (28, California): Currently in Nashville, Tenn., completing his surgical residency, Ahmad was also suggested for inclusion on this list by his wife, a filmmaker in California. She remarked about the breadth of sacrifices Ahmed has made for her. For instance, when she indicated her willingness to sacrifice her filmmaking career which requires her to spend half her time in Los Angeles in order to stay with him in Tennessee, he was adamantly opposed to her doing so: “He said he wouldn’t be happy with himself if he kept me from becoming a filmmaker. He said it makes him happy to see me doing these things. … I know it kills him — he’s tired, he’s lonely, he’s hungry — but he can’t be convinced.”

Abdul H. Abdullah (67, Georgia): Abdul is the Chief Financial Officer of Baitul Salaam Residence for Abused and Neglected Women and Children. In addition to contributing his time and money to the organization, he also allows battered women to seek refuge at his private family business when they are in trouble.

Taraq Chand (late 60s, New Jersey): A father of four daughters and one son, he has taught his children that Islam supports women’s rights. As a result his daughters are all professionals: a doctor, chemical engineer, pharmacist and soon-to-be-lawyer.

Sheikh Abdala Adhami (Washington, D.C.): Sheikh Adhami is an Islamic scholar who has been serving the Muslim community in the U.S. for more than 20 years. A Washington, D.C. native, he was praised by several women including a New Jersey Muslim mom who described him in the following manner: “Simply a magnificent person, he spoke endlessly on women’s rights in Islam, with the notion that women should know their rights and men should know in order to protect these rights, and any infringements on those rights are seen as a crime in God’s eyes. He spoke of the many prominent women throughout Islamic history… and how men would travel far and wide to study at their feet. He lectured on how women, even at the time of the Prophet [Muhammed], owned their own businesses and how this money was solely theirs — to be shared with her family at her discretion, and any money she gave to her family was a charity… [His message] was in stark contrast to what we hear from the Taliban. It brought a peace and comfort and nourished a true connection with one’s Lord — and that is what religion is supposed to do.”

Nabile Safdar (35, Maryland): An accomplished doctor who recently returned from a volunteer mission to Haiti where he provided much needed medical care, Nabile is a father to three young daughters. He delivers religious sermons to his local community preaching against spousal abuse while urging men to treat women with dignity and respect.

Ezat Yosafi (Connecticut): Born in Afghanistan, Ezat was recognized by his daughter, posthumously. She attributes her professional accomplishments as an attorney to her father’s guidance and advice. He passed away in Connecticut in 2008.

Furqan Ahmed (27, New Jersey): Furqan’s wife says that he is “someone who has made law school a more tolerable experience. … It is not easy to be married to a law student as law school … involves such a dedication of time and effort. But he really pushes me to do more and presses me to follow up with law firms. … I think it is really helpful to have someone who is a partner in all aspects.”

Ali Hussain (63, Massachusetts): Ali’s daughter notes, “He’s coached me in multiple ways with my career, helping me overcome hurdles, to be confident in new situations, maintain integrity, be bold yet gracious in asserting my needs. He also encourages [my sisters and me] to dream big and sometimes dreams for us even bigger than we do.”

Prophet Muhammad (posthumously): He is considered by Muslims to be the seal to a long line of God’s prophets and messengers beginning with Adam. The Prophet Muhammad’s private relationships were based on open communication and mutual respect. He never asked anyone to wait on him and participated in household chores and childcare; he used to mend his own clothes, play with children and perform chores around the home. He promoted and nurtured the education of women (e.g. Aisha bint Abu Bakr). He never raised his hand against anyone in his household. He chastised the Muslim men who dared to strike their wives. In the words of the woman who praised him, “He was kind and respected women and asked men to do the same.”

While the Muslim men included above are deserving of our collective support, recognition and accolades, this list is by no means an exhaustive one. Rather, these men are representative of many more Muslims whose names are not included here but whose lives and contributions are similarly noteworthy.

If I may humbly suggest, perhaps this year Hollywood can make the following addition to its collective list of new year resolution: more positive portrayals of the American Muslim community. After all, an image of the Muslim advocate effectively representing the rights of his (or her) female Muslim client in a religious divorce or the imam educating his congregation of Muslim women’s equal social status is a truer realization of art imitating life.

On the subject of accolades, a note about Muslim culture. “Mashallah” is a word frequently heard used between Muslims. It literally means “whatever God wills.” And it is often said in response to hearing about a person’s good deed or impressive accomplishment.

Mashallah.

Engy Abdelkader is a Legal Fellow with the Institute for Social Policy and Understanding, a think tank based in Washington, D.C.

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19 Comments »

  1. Mohammad hit Aisha in the chest, she said, which gave her pain. Stop the delusions please.

  2. yes x 100.

  3. […] A Few Good Muslim Men — Honoring Those Who Honor Women If the stereotypical Muslim woman is an oppressed one, then the archetypal Muslim male is responsible for her condition. In news stories, popular entertainment media and even video games, the image of the violent, misogynistic or abusive Muslim man is present time and again. […]

  4. I love this so much you have no idea. As someone who tries to be involved at least a bit in anti-abuse activism within the Muslim community this just makes my day!

  5. real men are not afraid to pray in public. Real men are not afraid to treat their wives like queens.

  6. IT should also be noted that spousal abuse tends to go hand in hand with poverty and lack of education. Therefore, if the middle east is home to more abuse of women, it is likely more due to poverty and ignorance more than the actual religion. When most of Europe’s population was living in one room homes, it’s record wasn’t much better.

  7. Women in islam hava a very high status… Jus because of sum individuals. Ppl brush us al under the same carpet….

  8. Anon

    If you looked up the tafseer you might kno why. Digging deeper is what stops the delusions.

    “the best of you are those who are kindest to their wives.” a hadith.

  9. Oh btw tafseer means explaination

  10. If you want more positive portrayals of something the mainstream dislikes, try alternative publishing such as crowdfunding. My project is poetry — you can come give me prompts about Muslims — but other folks are doing film, fiction, art, all kinds of stuff. Crowdfunding lets you put your money where your morals are.

  11. Yeah, ha ha it’s always a hadith. He hit her because she was following him. One of those surveillance things.

  12. I find that most people who are afraid of Muslims and hold true to the belief that Muslim women are treated like livestock by their husbands, don’t actually know any Muslim people. The ones I know are pretty much the same as everyone else. They have families, bills to pay, jobs, homes, etc… The Muslim men I know are married (to one wife) or are single, none of them are extremely wealthy with a harem of women or caves of treasure. If people want to learn about Muslim people or the Islamic faith then they need to talk to an Imam or visit a mosque and get to know some Muslim people instead of jumping to their own conclusions and assuming things that aren’t true or right.

  13. Absolutely love this article!

  14. Muslims are chock full of theocrats, like some Christians are. They hold fast to theocratic utopian delusions.

    They contain a faction which thinks it has the right to be violent. If you don’t like something going on, hit it! Kill it!

    These are problems.

  15. Anon
    While i agree these days some muslims can be pretty much misled by misinterpreting the quran or letting extremist media brainwash them but that doesnt mean the religion itself is bad ok were a mix of christianity and judaism thats basically all we are. We hold fast to a lot of things modern christians and jews let go of bcuz of “reform” however that shouldnt make us targets.
    And yes it is a hadith and there are Ayat about treating women right too. And elizabeth is most definitely right, muslim men arent supposed to treat their women like garbage and about 99.99 perecent of them are good to their wives and daughters. The teensy amount of scumbags that do mean things are the ones whose stories are covered. When they do news they never show good muslims cuz its boring to them they like fueling this muslims are bad fire. Seriously chill with a muslim family just once, and see what i mean. God people act like theyve met every muslim out there and have decided that were all such sickminded and bloodthirsty people. I find it cruel and misleading and a bunch of خرة better leave that untranslated

  16. I don’t think all muslims are sickminded, etc. i just think that many of them are theocracy minded. They simply want Islam to rule over the world. They and their spokesmen repeatedly blare this to the world.

    If using violent goons can accomplish this, they are ok with their violent goons.

    They are ok with Awlaki and the men who beat up the London teacher or blow up airplanes, etc. even though they would never do these things with their own hands.

    When these incidents occur, muslims say:

    1.They are not muslims, no true muslims would do such things. Yes they would.

    2. They were provoked. They went beserk and lynched people or went on the rampage and that’s ok. Guess what, it is not ok.

  17. 1. True muslims are people who act peacefully. Who act based on islam not revenge/hatred watever the case may be.
    2. I kno a girl who mourned bin laden and im like do you kno who he is? Shes like “yes he was muslim” im like “no, WHO he is not WHAT he is” i explained his actions in depth to her. She loked disgusted/shocked. And so i tell you. Its misinformation. Ya people say tgey do these things as self defense and thats ok if its towards your attacker not the ppl in the plane or the church. Again we have muslims who do these things and believe its ok only bcz they dont have extensive knowledge. Also it has to do less with religion and more to do with politics, human rights etc. Look at palistine. Ppl ssay “look those fkn muslims” half of the palestinians arent even muslim. Its a basic human rights effort yet they label it all as a religious attack against jews or w.e it is they call it these days.

    Lol at forst i noticed we were somewhat agreeing.

  18. I love my husband :) Not a single day goes by that where he doesn’t do something amazing for me :) And, I’m Muslim :)

    I am educated and not oppressed.

  19. […] Engy Abdelkader: A Few Good Muslim Men — Honoring Those Who Honor Women […]

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