Bees Are the New Terrorists
“And your Lord inspired to the bee, ‘Take for yourself among the mountains, houses, and among the trees and [in] that which they construct.’” Quran, 16:68
In the years since the 9/11 terrorist attacks, the persistent, overblown threat of terrorism has justified astronomical military spending, the steady erosion of civil rights at home and abroad, and the invasion and bombing of one country after another.
Putting terrorism into proper perspective often yields some interesting comparisons. In recent articles, Danios suggested we should declare war on peanuts since peanut allergies kill more people than Muslim terrorists, and pointed out that Americans much more likely to be killed by their own furniture than by terrorism.
Similarly, a recent report from the British government concluded people in the UK are as likely to be killed by a stinging insect as they are to be killed by terrorism. In response, Gawker’sirreverant Hamilton Nolan has made a compelling case for a global war on bees, and perhaps their wasp and hornet allies–and of course, all the countries that harbor them.
Though our grandparents are often referred to as “The Greatest Generation,” we, too, will make our mark in history as the generation that endured merciless war without end. First, the War on Drugs; then, the War on Terror; and now—everyone, please load your weapons—the War on Bees.
On the fair shores of England—our constant boon companion, and the “canary in the coal mine” of things that will soon be killing us all—it appears that bees, as well as their wasp and hornet allies, are the new threat for which all must grimly prepare. A new UK government report paints a terrifying picture:
Discussing the suggestions that the threat from terrorism is over-estimated, Mr Anderson wrote: “During the 21st century, terrorism has been an insignificant cause of mortality in the United Kingdom. The annualised average of five deaths caused by terrorism in England and Wales over this period compares with total accidental deaths in 2010 of 17,201, including 123 cyclists killed in traffic accidents, 102 personnel killed in Afghanistan, 29 people drowned in the bathtub and five killed by stings from hornets, wasps and bees.”
I see little choice but to build a tangled and impenetrable multibillion-dollar bureaucracy dedicated to Bee Defense, and to launch a pre-emptive war on…. whichever country is harboring all the bees.